309 - Happy Funerals, Sad Funerals: What Death Teaches the Living with Rachel Hauck
“I think this whole entire process of life is a schooling for your spirit.” - Rachel Hauck
A funeral director turned therapist on meaning-making, unfinished business, and why grief needs more truth and less cheerleading.
Ready for a life-affirming episode about death? What if I told you that this conversation kicks off with a duet? It’s like Death Becomes Her with similarly dark comedic moments but fewer magic potions.
I’m excited to introduce you to my longtime friend Rachel Hauck. She’s a funeral director and embalmer. After 20 years in business, she’s decided to go back to school to become a therapist. I love chatting with people who are in midlife career shifts. Why did she make the switch? How will her previous career shape her identity as a therapist?
Obviously, we talk a lot about death and grief. I even get personal about the deaths of my parents. But what sets this conversation apart from the hushed, almost embarrassed way folks often talk about death is our openness around its emotional messiness.
We go beyond Kübler-Ross's model to consider those carrying complex or “untraditional” feelings of grief (think: Jeanette McCurdy). All experiences are welcome here.
“A happy funeral is when it's been a person who has lived life to the fullest. They've established healthy relationships. Maybe they made mistakes, but they don't have regrets,” observes Rachel. Sad funerals are complicated. “There's unfinished business, chaotic relationships, abuse, or things that there's a lot of regret over. Or, maybe, the person isn’t sorry for what they did,” she says. “Then, you're kind of just left with that.”
Rachel has a headstart on knowing how to show up for her clients. “As a funeral director, I meet a lot of very angry people. It would do no good to have them look on the bright side because sometimes the answer is just, this sucks.”
As therapists, we have to be prepared for what our clients’ journey brings up for us and engage in the parallel process of doing our own work.
“There is no fixing the scenario when someone dies. You can't change that,” Rachel says. “The only thing that you can do is identify the meaning that person gave to your life, and then find a way to carry that forward.”
Oh yeah, she’ll do just fine!
GUEST BIO & CONTACT
Rachel Hauck (she/her) has served families as a licensed funeral director/embalmer in the state of Florida for the last 20 years. She is currently completing a master's degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Nova Southeastern University and hopes to develop a signature program in prolonged grief therapy.
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
YouTube link - Kelly Schleman Massey
I’m Glad My Mom’s Dead - Jeannette McCurdy
NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM)
The Book Of Forgiving - Desmond Tutu
On Death And Dying - Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
The “good enough” mother concept
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