298 - What’s Wrong With Me If I’m Not Thriving? with Nora Alwah

Sep 24

“If we could connect to the fear more, we probably could get more places.” - Nora Alwah

Are you an in-betweener? Before you answer, I recommend queuing up part one of my conversation with Nora Alwah, LPC, the coach, therapist, TEDx speaker, and community-builder. She coined the term n’betweener© to describe those who, like herself, feel suspended between two (or more) identities; not fully inhabiting one or the other. In part two, Nora and I explore ways that folks can expand their capacity for understanding in a world that increasingly devalues the experiences of in-betweeners.

Nora has a lot of practice as an in-betweener. She’s a proud queer CIS woman of color with European-African roots who’s lived and worked in multiple countries. “We often feel misunderstood, like we have to prove ourselves, explain ourselves. Then, there's this experience of our well-being and mental health that is unique,” she explains. “In-betweeners have this thing of, oh, I’m not trans enough. I'm not Asian enough. When you feel like you're not doing well, it's like, what's wrong with me that I'm not thriving?”

In-betweeners chip through multiple layers of cultures, religion, or other orientations to connect with their authentic selves. But the structural rigors of homogeneity often force them to choose one identity over all others under the guise of safety and belonging. “I felt so alone, so misunderstood in my identities in many different ways,” says Nors. “It was so important to create a language because speaking to my identities in a separate way didn’t provide that.”

Sharing an affinity or affiliation with a larger group can be affirming. It’s easy, however, to fall into the trap of uniformity. When everyone looks, thinks, and acts the same, any contrast or deviation feels dangerous. “This thing around fear and difference is just so old,” Nora observes. “Exposure is so important. When we don't understand something, we just tend to make it wrong.”

Nora advocates for settling into the discomfort of in-betweenness rather than forcing ourselves into this-or-that.. “An in-betweener is someone who lives at the intersection of multiple identities,” she says, “We don't even notice the molding and the shape shifting that occurs.” By extending a practice of curiosity outward, we can learn to accept the multitudes we all contain.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

What Now? With Trevor Noah: Meet John Stewart - One of My Favorite People

The Cost of Neglecting Therapists’ Mental Health: Restructuring Our Field to Heal the Healers

The Enneagram Institute

RECOMMENDED EPISODES

Global Perspectives on Identity, Mental Health, and Psychology with Nora Alwah

GUEST CONTACT & BIO

Website

Instagram

Nora Alwah (she/her) - Coach. Therapist. TEDx speaker. Writer. Community-builder. Nora Alwah is the founder of n’betweener®, a global platform and space of belonging for those who don’t fit the mold—often misunderstood, frequently overlooked, and always n’between. Through n’betweener®, she helps outliers feel seen, come home to themselves, and step into their purpose.

Join the Group Practice (R)evolution! GPR is a new platform and podcast series offering insights from owners, employees, and experts, and resources to support this wildly ambitious vision for the future. For a limited time, podcast listeners can get a full year of membership for only $19.99 by using the discount code PODCAST.

Visit: https://tinyurl.com/GPRPodcast and click on “have a coupon” and enter PODCAST to enjoy all the perks of Group Practice (R)evolution for a year!

Get Support! Earn CEs!